Masturbators of the world, or as we our collectively known, Human Beings, the Month of May is finally upon us, and for those that didn’t know that means Masturbation Month. That’s right, a whole entire month, 31 days dedicated to the noble art of self-love. Jerking off. Crown the King. Bash the Bishop. Doodle your noodle. Holding your sausage hostage. Polish the pearl. The clunge plunge. Paddling the pink canoe. Whatever you want to call it, the fact is we all do it, and that’s a good amazing thing, something we should embrace. So let Ersties take you on a tour of the ancient art, we’ve even thrown in a choice of 3 videos to help you on your next solo mission, Masturbators Assemble! 

Now for a brief history before we get in to the good stuff. Masturbation Month started off as Masturbation day (we approve of the expansion and we are working on our Masturbation year 2017 campaign) an annual event celebrated on 7^th May each year. The original day was started in honour of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired by President Bill Clinton for suggesting masturbation be part of the sex education curriculum for students. Since then the day has grown in size (in a poetic echoing of the penis’ it unites) to incorporate the whole month of May. So if we have anything to thank good ol’ Bill for its inadvertently giving us a whole month of self-induced pleasure, ‘I did have sexual relations with myself.’ Bill Clinton. 2016. 

So, the lovely people of the Ersties community, let’s get you ready for the long hard (wink wink) month ahead with your very own Ersties self help guide to mastering the art of sexual self-indulgence. 

Step 1: Select your material! 

Unless you have a J.K Rowlingesque imagination and can pluck scandalous sexual escapades out of thin air, the chances are you’re going to need a little help. You know, to get the blood flowing to all the right places, a kind of visual little blue pill, minus Pele. Using your computer, phone or tablet (we are soo 21^st century) log yourself in to Ersties and choose your poison. What does it for you, girl on girl, girl on boy, girl on girl on girl, solo? Whatever it is, chances are, we’ve got you covered. Choose from our selection of 3 free videos to help you begin the Month of May with a bang! 

CLICK HERE TO CHOOSE YOUR FREE VIDEO

Step 2: Find the perfect spot 

Step 2 is all about finding that prime location, that perfect spot of wanking real estate. We do but ask just one thing, expand your mind! We’ve all done it in bed, it’s a big wide wanking world out there, go and explore. Take a leaf out of Luna’s book, a busy park full of dog walkers and tourists, did she care? Absolutely not, playing a way without a care in the world. Did someone tell Frieda a woman’s place is in the kitchen? It appears she took it quite literally as she sat on the kitchen work top with her sex toys, cooking up a hearty finger pie. Don’t think that being in transit should stop you either, Armana showed us how to do it on a boat, if people are watching, well give them something worth watching, that’s Armana’s policy. What about if you find yourself in your wardrobe suddenly turned on by your own insane lingerie collection, well to borrow a phrase from a well-known child slave labour abuser, Just do it! That’s whatDorothea did, oh, and she had a hand held camera with her too. Sometimes we just strike it lucky. 

Step 3: Mastur the art 

We figure you won't need much guidance with this one.

Step 4: Reap the rewards 

If masturbating is the process, the hard work, the hours (minutes…ok seconds) of slaving away, then here comes the pay off, the pot of gold at the end of the wanky rainbow, THE ORGASM. If the Big O for you is anything like an Ersties ‘O’ then you’re doing it right. Triumphant, glorious, toe curlingly perfect, all the hard work has paid off. With your bicep bulging and your balls throbbing you can rightfully exclaim you have succeeded. You are Bill Gates, you are Steve Jobs, you are a success. The Wolf of Wank Street. Ersties salutes you. 

May. The Month of Masturbation. Enjoy guys. We know we will.

Keep your eyes peeled on the blog as we update you weekly on the very latest from Ersties HQ. This shoot is the latest from the all female team at Ersties, our philosophy of real, natural girls shines through, 100% real life, 100% real porn. To see the full uncut version, click here to sign up to Ersties.